Maki and Nico Ask Who Framed Roger Rabbit?
by Bird6490
Summary: Euterpe sends Maki and Nico back in time to 1947 to help private detective, Eddie Valiant, clear the name of cartoon star, Roger Rabbit.
1. Chapter 1

The year was 1947 in Hollywood, California. From the future, two members of the Japanese school idol group μ's, Maki Nishikino and Nico Yazawa were watching a live shooting of a Roger Rabbit cartoon with Baby Herman. "Remind me again, why are we here?" Maki whispered. "Euterpe sent us here to investigate Toontown." Nico whispered back. "I don't get why she wants us to investigate a city made of cartoon characters" Maki rolled her eyes. "You mean you don't like cartoons?" Nico asked. "I-I wouldn't say that" Maki blushed. "Before I became an idol otaku, I loved watching cartoons as a kid. Especially Roger Rabbit" said Nico. "You love cartoons?" Maki asked in disbelief. "You don't know everything about me" Nico pouted. "Quiet on the set!" the director called. "Sorry!" the two girls said in unison. They watched avidly as Roger Rabbit was flung all around getting all sorts of slapstick while Baby Herman lived carelessly and innocently. The cartoon ended when a refrigerator dropped on the rabbit's head, causing him to see birds. "CUT!" the director snapped. "What!?" Nico rushed over with Maki. "Cut, cut, cut, cut, CUT!" the director continued to hiss.

"What the hell was wrong with that take!?" Baby Herman asked, revealing he had a gruff, old man voice and was not a cute and innocent baby like people believed him to be. "Nothing, Baby Herman." the director said to him, lightly before scolding the rabbit toon. "You were great. You were perfect. You were better than perfect. It's Roger! He keeps blowing his lines!" The director grabbed one of Roger's circling birds. "Roger, what's this?" "A tweeting bird?" Roger shrugged, sheepishly. "'A tweeting bird'" the director mocked him, then shoved the script in his face. "Roger, read the script. Look what it says. Refrigerator falls, rabbit sees stars! Not birds, stars!" "Aw come on! I think birds are funnier than stars!" Maki sneered. The director turned to the girls sharply. "Excuse me, kids, but this is grown up business. Now why don't you go play in traffic or something and get off my set?" Nico clenched her fists. "You wouldn't know humor if it hit you in the face and it wasn't Roger's fault! You should give him another chance!" she talked back at the director. "No, no other chances!" the director hissed. "Turn the cameras off, lose the lights, someone say lunch!" "LUNCH!" a man in the distance yelled. "That's lunch, we're on a half!" the director walked off with a bell ringing to have everyone take a break from the set. "P-Please, Raoul!" Roger rushed after the director, panicking. "I can give ya stars! The girl's right, give me another chance! Just drop the refrigerator on my head one more time!" "Roger, I dropped it on your head 23 times already!" the director protested. "I can take it, don't worry about me!" Roger grabbed onto his jacket sleeve. "I'm not worried about you, I'm worried about the refrigerator."

Maki and Nico watched the rabbit toon smack himself on the head with a mallet to make himself see stars to please the director. Toons were having a rough life lately in Hollywood. "Toons." a man scoffed, taking a drink. Maki and Nico stopped in their tracks. "Is that the guy Euterpe wanted us to meet?" Maki pointed to the man. "It should be. His name's Eddie Valiant. He's become an alcoholic and lost his sense of humor ever since his brother Ted died" Nico explained. "Euterpe already explained that to us" Maki sighed. "I'm just reminding you in case you forgot, but it seems like you didn't" Nico replied. The two girls approached Eddie who gave them a cold look. "What do you kids want?" Eddie spat. "Excuse me, Eddie, this is our first time meeting a real detective." Nico greeted. "That's nice, now beat it. I gotta get going." Eddie scoffed, walking off. The girls walked with him like how Roger did with the director. "Being a detective must be pretty cool" said Maki. "Very lonely work, kid. Make sure ya got a good partner," Eddie advised, sipping more alcohol and slipping it into his jacket pocket. "Shouldn't you two be in school?" "We're just here to meet Mr. RK Maroon." said Nico. "Actually, I'm on my way to see him myself, I guess you two can come along." Eddie shrugged, finding his way to Maroon's office. The two made their way over, following him.

The three had found Maroon's secretary and let them into his office. "Mr. Maroon, a couple of kids and Mr. Valiant are here to-" The man put his hand up to give him a moment as he watched something with one of his assistants. "He'll be right with you." the secretary told them, then went back to her desk, closing the doors behind her. Maki and Nico walked in and Nico was thrilled to be in Maroon's office. Eddie waited patiently and quietly explored the room with the girls. "No, no, NO!" Maroon snapped at his assistant. "Wait until he gets to his feet, THEN hit him with the boulder!" "Right, RK." the assistant nodded, then collected his things and left the room. Maroon turned to them, looking stiff and serious. "How much do you know about show business, Mr. Valiant and kids?" "Only there's no business like it, no business I know." Eddie replied, cynically. "Yeah, and there's no business more expensive" Maroon said, walking toward them. "Seriously, what's with the kids?" "How rude. Do we look like 3-year-olds? We're high schoolers" Maki crossed her arms. "I've loved cartoons ever since I was a little girl" Nico smiled. Maroon chuckled at her and stepped towards Eddie. "Anyway, I'm 25 grand over budget on the latest Baby Herman cartoon. You saw the rabbit blowin' his lines, he can't keep his mind on his work, you know why?" "One too many refrigerators dropped on his head?" Eddie guessed. "Nah, he's a toon." Maroon replied. "You can drop anything you want on his head, he'll shake it off. But break his heart, he goes to pieces just like you or me. Read that." Maroon held out a folded newspaper.

Maki and Nico went to Eddie's sides as he opened the newspaper to see an article about one of the sexiest cartoon characters, Jessica Rabbit. "'Seen cooning over Calamari, with not-so-new Sugar Daddy, was Jessica Rabbit, wife of Maroon Cartoon star Roger"." Eddie turned to the exhausted cartoonist. "What's this got to do with me?" "You're the private detective" Maroon answered him. "You figure it out." "Look, I don't have time for this." Eddie handed the paper back. "Look, Valiant, his wife's poison, but he thinks she's Betty Crocker. I want you to follow her, and take those girls with you. They could be your new partners. Get me a couple of nice, juicy pictures I can wise the rabbit up with." Eddie shook his head, walking away from Maroon. "Forget it, I don't work Toon Town." "What's wrong with Toontown?" Maroon asked, holding him back. "Every Joe loves Toon Town." "Then get Joe to do that job, cuz I ain't goin'!" Eddie still protested. "Whoa, fella," Maroon gripped his shoulder. "You don't wanna go to Toon Town, you don't have to go to Toon Town. Nobody said you had to go to Toon Town anyway. Have a seat, Valiant and guests." he forced the detective and two children down in his seats across from his desk. "The rabbit's wife sings at a joint called the Ink and Paint Club." "Don't Toons from the 1920's go there?" Maki asked, leaning forward. "Indeed they do, missy." Maroon replied, sitting in his chair and putting his feet up. "Toon Revue. Strictly humans only, okay? So, what do you think, Valiant?" Eddie looked at him, then spotted something strange behind the man which prevented him from answering properly. "Well?" Maroon leaned forward, demanding that answer. Eddie stood up and walked behind Maroon's desk. "The job's gonna cost ya 100 bucks, plus expenses." "100 bucks!?" Maroon shot from his seat. "That's ridiculous." "So's the job." Eddie told him, coming with a flask of liquor and cup. "Alright, alright." Maroon tried to settle him. "You got your 100 bucks, and these kids can have anything they want from cigarettes to hula hoops. Have a drink, Eddie." Eddie glanced at him, then poured himself a drink. "I don't mind if I do."

There were some voices heard outside the window. Eddie took a look and Maki and Nico decided to as well. They saw several human men wandering around with Acme products such as wooden boxes, giant blocks of cheese, and animate inanimate objects. Chairs popped out playing loud orchestra music from instruments. Then came a gray face with big blue eyes, startling Eddie and the girls. Maroon stood up to see Eddie hiding under the window like he had been deeply traumatized. "Kinda jumpy, aren't ya, Valiant?" "Isn't that Dumbo?" asked Nico. "I know who it is." Eddie glared at them. "I got him on loan from Disney," Maroon explained why Dumbo was around. "Him and half the cast of Fantasia. The best part is, they work for peanuts!" He threw peanuts out the window for the elephant. Dumbo sucked them all up in his trunk and flew off, happily. "Well, I don't work for peanuts." Eddie shook his head, showing the check Maroon wrote for him. "Where's the other $50?" "Let's call the other $50 a carrot to finish the job," Maroon chuckled. "You've been hangin' around rabbits too long." Eddie mentally rolled his eyes. Then he walked out the office with Maki and Nico. "Alright, kids, you can come with me to solve this case, but don't be askin' me for any money, now." "Our names are Maki and Nico and don't worry, we won't mind" said Maki as they walked.

The girls explored to see all sorts of humans and toons working together. It was a strange, but interesting sight. There were indeed Fantasia characters, such as ballerina ostriches and the brooms from the Sorcerer's Apprentice. The ballerina hippo seemed very concerned about what was going on, nearly leaning on the humans. Then she noticed them and backed up. "Oh, excuse me." The group kept walking and passed some auditioning cows. Then came a trolley, ringing and Eddie decided to go for it. "Come on, girls!" he called. Maki and Nico ran with him. Only, they didn't seem to be going inside like the other people up front. They went to the back as the doors were about to close and Eddie took out his check for the man, nearly closing the doors on them. "What do I look like, a bank?" the man scoffed, allowing the girls to ride in, but closed out Eddie. Nico and Maki took a window seat and watched Eddie sitting on the back end with a couple of street children, with another rushing for the trolley. "Hey mister, ain't ya got a car?" one of the boys asked as he took out a cigarette. "Who needs a car in LA?" Eddie jokingly asked. "We got the best public transportation system in the world." The girls shrugged, then enjoyed the ride as they rode through Hollywood. looking at the sights.


	2. Chapter 2

"So where are we going now, Mr. Valiant?" Maki asked as they left the trolley. "We're gonna visit a close, personal friend of mine to help crack this case" Eddie replied. Then he turned to the boys on the back of the trolley and waved to them. "Thanks for the cigarettes!" Maki and Nico followed Eddie to a local bar. The detective slicked down his hair and tried to look his best as he and the girls entered the bar. When they walked in, they saw a lot of men either shooting pool, sitting together having raunchy conversations, or drinking on a stool to drown their sorrows in the crazy world they live in. "Hi Harry. You okay?" Eddie greeted one of the bar files. "Hi Eddie" the man, Harry, spoke back briefly. Maki and Nico felt shaky as a trolley was rumbling from outside, but no one else seemed affected by it. They must've grown accustomed to it after dealing with it for so long.

Eddie spotted an officer and placed his cap back on his head, looking dead drunk. "What's with Earl?" One of the men on a stool took out a notepad and wrote something down, showing it to Eddie to answer his question. "Laid off?" Eddie was appalled. The man with the paper nodded. "A new outfit bought the red car" another man said to Eddie, explaining. "Some big company called Cloverleaf." "No kiddin'" Eddie remarked. "They bought the red car?" "Yeah, put the poor guy on two weeks notice." the man answered, walking away. "Cutbacks, they said." Eddie sighed for his friend. "Oh, well, Earl. Here's to the pencil pushers. Maybe they all get lead poisoning, huh?" he then took out a shot to sip it, but a hand stopped him. Maki and Nico sat on stools together and saw pretzels in a bowl, deciding to have a little munch. They saw the woman who had stopped Eddie from drinking his shot. She seemed to have been a waitress with puffy and short length black hair in a uniform and bore a strict look on her face. "Tomorrow's Friday, Eddie" the waitress told him. "You know what happens here on Friday?" "Fish special?" Eddie shrugged. "My boss checks the books on Friday" the waitress swiped the shot glass from him. "If I don't have that money I gave you back in the till, I'm gonna lose my job." "Don't bust a button, Dolores" Eddie said, coolly. "You've only got one left." he handed her the check from earlier. "50 bucks?" the waitress, Dolores, eyed it. "Yeah." "Where's the rest? And who are these teens? Beat it, kids, you'll get me in trouble if I serve youse alcohol!" "Well, this is only a snoop job away" Eddie answered her first question. "This is Maki and Nico. They came to explore Toontown. They're with me. Hey, have you got that camera of yours? Mine's in the shop."

"Wouldn't be the pawn shop by any chance, would it?" Dolores scoffed. "Aw, come on, Dolores. You need the other $50, we need the camera." Dolores put some things up behind the bar table, and came to Eddie, Nico, and Maki with her camera. "Any film in there?" Eddie asked. "Should be." Dolores said, handing the camera to him while Maki and Nico watched, silently. "I haven't had that roll developed since our trip to Catalina." "Catalina?" the two girls asked themselves, but not joining in the conversation. "That sure was a long time ago." Dolores sighed, washing some dishes. "Yeah, that WAS a long time ago." Eddie remarked. "We'll have to do that again sometime." "Yeah, sure, Eddie..." Dolores sounded disappointed in that statement. Then she grabbed the utensils, plates, and glasses as another trolley passed and shook the bar. "Does that happen a lot?" Nico asked. Dolores came back to them as she spotted Eddie looking into the newspaper. "Paper any good?" "Just check the scrawl." Eddie showed the name on the check for $50. Dolores took the check and read aloud; "RK Maroon? As in Maroon Cartoons?" "Maroon Cartoons?" a voice came from behind the trio.

Maki and Nico and looked to see a grungy man behind Eddie who looked like a real wise guy. "Hey, so, who is your client, Mr. Detective and Partners to the stars?" the man laughed. "Chilly Willy? Or Screwy Squirrel?" "What do you want to drink?" Dolores asked him, firmly. She knew that Eddie took cartoons personally. "Eh, I'll take a beer, doll." the man told her, sitting right next to Eddie. Maki and Nico cringed and left their stools, angrily. "So, what happened, huh?" the man continued to harass Eddie. "Somebody kidnap Dinky Doodle?" "Cut it out, Angelo." Dolores snapped at him. "Hey, wait a minute, wait a minute, I know," the man, Angelo, wouldn't quit. "You're workin' for Little Bo Peep, she's lost her sheep, and you're gonna help her look for 'em, huh?" he laughed. That did it. Eddie was really angry with him now. The wicked laughter made Eddie kick the stool from underneath Angelo and made the teasing man fall to his knees on the floor, shocking Maki and Nico. Eddie grabbed Angelo by the face in a near choke hold and shoved a hard-shelled egg into his mouth to choke him. "Get this straight, meatball. I don't work for toons!" Then he left in a huff. "Maki, Nico, we're outta here!" The two girls eyed each other, then quickly followed him out of the bar. They wondered why Eddie was acting like that and what his problem with Toons were.

Later, that night, the girls and detective went into the dark alley of Hollywood to find the club that Maroon told them to go to about Jessica Rabbit. Eddie went to the door since he was the adult and it might be dangerous and rough on the teens. He knocked on the door and waited for an answer. A red eye came out and looked down at the three of them. "Got the password?" "'Walt sent us'." Eddie replied. The tiny door that showed the eye closed, and the door was unlocked and opened for them. It was shown to be a giant ape in a tuxedo as the doorman. Maki looked a little nervous around him. "Uh, so, eat any good bananas lately?" "Nice monkey suit." Eddie commented. The ape snarled at them, slightly. "Wise asses..." Maki and Nico continued to follow Eddie inside the club and the doors opened. There were many people sitting for the live entertainment. Daffy Duck and Donald Duck were on pianos playing Liszt's Hungarian Rhapsody #2. Maki recognized it due to her knowledge from piano lessons. The group looked all around them. There were penguin waiters from Mary Poppins, an octopus bartender, and a lot of humans enjoying the show.

"Hey, hey, cut it out!" Donald snapped. "Does anybody understand what this duck is saying?" Daffy asked the audience. "I've worked with a lot of wise-quackers, but you are DESSSSPICABLE!" "I never thought I'd live to see the day Daffy and Donald Duck would be together." Nico remarked. "All we need now is Bugs Bunny and Mickey Mouse" Maki added. Eddie rolled his eyes at them, and continued to watch the ducks. The audience gasped once Donald Duck slammed Daffy into his own piano. "This means war..." Daffy grumbled. Eddie, Maki, and Nico took a seat next to a man who looked a little bored and focused on them. Suddenly, the man squirted his ink pen on Eddie's shirt and started laughing. "What are you doing?!" Maki yelled at him. "What? You think that's funny?" Eddie demanded. "Oh, it's a panic!" the man continued laughing. Eddie grabbed the man by his collar. "You won't think it's funny when I stick that pen up your nose!" "That was no accident!" Nico added, glaring at the man. "Now, calm down, kids, will ya?" the man tried to settle them. "Look, the stain's gone. It's disappearing ink. No hard feelings, I hope." The group looked to see the stain vanished like magic. "Look, I'm-" the man was about to introduce himself. "I know who you are," Eddie cut him off. "Marvin Acme, the guy that owns Toon Town. The Gag King." "'If it's Acme, it's a gasser'" Marvin sloganed, holding out his hand. "Put it there, pal." Eddie sighed and shook his hand, only to get buzzed and annoyed. "The hand buzzer" Marvin laughed. "Still our biggest seller!" Eddie grunted and sat back down with the kids. A waiter came up and cleaned up their table to take their order. "I'll have a water" Maki told him. "Me too" said Nico. "Scotch on the rocks." Eddie placed his order. The penguin nodded, then walked off. "AND I MEAN ICE!" Eddie added with emphasis, knowing how Toons like to mess things up with puns and parodies of sorts.

The group continued to watch the show. Daffy was having a fun time playing both pianos. His hands on his main piano and his foot skidding across Donald's. Then Donald opened the piano over him and started playing both pianos too. His tail feathers on Daffy's piano keyboard and his fingers across his own piano. Daffy punched him and played Donald's piano wildly like Beethoven. It ended dramatically as Donald launched a cannon ball on him and both pianos blew up, ending the show. It made Eddie flinch to see the cartoonish slapstick like he had never seen a cartoon before in his life. Maki and Nico stood up, clapping with the crowd. However, Eddie saw their enthusiasm, but kept sitting still and looking grave. "Hey, those ducks are funny." Marvin commented once everyone sat down. "Th-They never get to finish the act!" "Great" Eddie grunted, then took his drink once their waiter came back. "Thanks." he was about to drink, but he saw that his scotch had actual rocks in it instead of ice cubes. "Toons..." "Cigars? Cigarettes?" a voice said, offering, then recognized Eddie. Maki and Nico turned in surprise. "Betty Boop!" Nico squealed like a fan girl. "Who said my name?" the black and white girl turned her head, then beamed once she saw the detective. "Eddie Valiant!" "Betty?" Eddie looked at her, not believing his eyes. "Long time no see." Betty remarked. "What're you doing here?" "Work's been kinda slow since cartoons went to color, but I still got it, Eddie." Then she did her infamous booping to show him. "Yeah, you still got it." Eddie smiled. "You know her?" Maki was surprised that they knew each other personally. "It's a long story" Eddie told her. "Who are your friends, Eddie?" Betty noticed the girls. "They're new around town, I'm showing them around." Eddie answered.

Suddenly, another act on stage finished and the crowd went wild. The lights went dark and the crowd whistled and hooted and hollered more than the Big Bad Wolf in Tex Avery's Red Hot Riding Hood. Marvin Acme even sprayed himself with colonge and tried to look decent for the next act. "What's with him?" Eddie asked Betty, referring to Acme. "Mr. Acme never misses a night when Jessica performs." Betty explained. "Got a thing for rabbits, huh?" Eddie joked. "Um...Jessica Rabbit's not exactly a rabbit, Eddie..." Nico said, nervously. "What?" Maki glanced at her. "If Jessica's not a rabbit, how is her name Jessica Rabbit?" "She's married to Roger Rabbit." Nico said. "Oh, that makes sense" said Maki. From the curtains came out a slender leg and a very, busty woman with a nearly revealing rack stepped out with her long, flowing red hair with a glittering ruby gown, purple, slick opera gloves and pink heels. Her band was the Crows from Dumbo.

Jessica: You had plenty money, 1922  
You let other women make a fool out of you  
Why don't ya do right

Like some other men do?  
Get outta here

"She's married to Roger Rabbit?" Eddie whispered in shock. "Yeah" Betty sighed, closing Maki's and Eddie's jaws. "What a lucky gurl." "She's way more beautiful than I thought" Maki whispered. "It's no wonder all men are attracted to her" Nico whispered back.

Jessica: Now, if you had prepared 20 years ago  
You wouldn't be wanderin' now from door-to-door  
Why don't ya do right like some other men do?

A lot of men were bitten by the green-eyed monster as Jessica took Acme's hand and started dancing her way off stage to be in his lap. She even pinched his cheeks and wiggled his face and took out a cloth to rub his bald head to make it shine.

Jessica: Get outta here  
Get me some money too

Jessica even made her way over to Eddie. Maki and Nico felt nervous looking at Jessica's features up close. Jessica made her way into Eddie's lap and started to pull him and tease him before everyone's eyes.

Jessica: Get outta here  
Get me some money too  
Why don't ya do right like some other men do?

Jessica walked back on stage and went behind the curtain as her show finished and everyone applauded loudly. The group looked stunned and astounded. "She...is...amazing" Maki said in shock. "I will never forget what I just saw" Nico added.

After the show, the group decided to do some detective work. They spotted Acme going backstage to Jessica's dressing room with flowers. Eddie, Maki, and Nico tried to eavesdrop the best they could as Acme was obviously crushing on Jessica. Eddie took a look through the key hole, but felt a furry hand on his shoulder. "What do you think you're doing, chump?" the ape doorman growled at him "Who are you callin' a chump, chimp?" Eddie scoffed. Suddenly, the ape threw Eddie out into the garbage. Then he held the door open and pointed out while the girls walked out, unharmed. "And don't let me catch your peepin' faces 'round here again, got it!?" the ape growled, then slammed the door. "Ooga Booga!" Eddie taunted, glaring at the ape. The group began to walk off and saw a nearly open window. Eddie hopped up and saw Acme and Jessica and decided to quickly take pictures. "Come, my dear, Jessica, come over here." Acme told the Toon woman. "Is he making out with her?" Maki cringed. "It's not what you think, trust me." Eddie told her. He got a closer look and started to take pictures. Maki and Nico hoped he was right as Acme was screaming, sounding very eager and Jessica kept yelling out his name. Eddie kept snapping pictures, but he grew disturbed. "You gotta be kiddin' me..."

Back in Maroon's office, the group showed the photographs and contacted Roger. Of course, Jessica being Roger's wife, he took it very hard and brutally. He was climbing on the window and having a mental breakdown. "Patty-Cake, Patty-Cake!?" Roger grunted, crying. "I don't believe it! Patty-Cake! Patty-Cake! It's not true!" "Take comfort, son," Maroon offered a hanky. "You're not the first guy whose wife played patty cake on him." Roger continued to cry his little eyes out and sloppily blew his nose which made disgusting honking noises. "I just don't believe it. I won't believe it, I can't believe it, I shan't believe it." "Believe it, kid," Eddie said, slapping down the photographs for Roger to see for himself. "I took the pictures myself. She played patty cake." Roger rambled as he looked through the photographs of Jessica and Acme playing patty cake. It was truly a horrible sight for the poor Toon. He stopped and started to hyperventilate. "Jessica's the light of my life, the apple of my eye, the cream in my coffee..." "What's the big deal with Patty Cake anyway? Isn't it a kids game?" Maki asked. "Must be more than that for Toons" Nico thought.

"You better start drinkin' it black, cuz Acme's takin' the cream now." Eddie remarked. "Hard to believe," Maroon sighed. "Marvin Acme's been my friend and neighbor for 30 years. Who would've thought he was a Sugar Daddy?" "Somebody must've MADE her do it..." Roger sniffled as Nico hugged him close like a stuffed animal. "Now, drink this, son, it'll make you feel better." Maroon offered him a drink. Roger came out of Nico's grasp and took the drink in a cup as his eyes turned as red as his overalls. He then took the drink, gulping it down. He started to have this weird physical and chemical reaction within his body, zipping up in the air and having a loud, whistling noise and making glass around him break. Everybody covered their ears, hoping the fit would stop soon. Roger suddenly landed back in the desk and settled down. "Thanks, I needed that..." he slammed his head on the desk again. "Son of a bitch" Eddie mumbled as he got the liquor all over his clothes. "Look, Mr. Maroon. I think our work here is finished. How 'bout that carrot you owe me, huh?" Maroon nodded and took out a check from his jacket pocket. "A deal's a deal." "Great, thanks." Eddie nodded and took the check. Roger lifted his head, breathing slightly heavily. "Roger," Maroon came to his Toon. "I know this all seems pretty painful now, but you'll find someone new. Won't he, Mr. Valiant?" "Yeah, sure." Eddie shrugged. "A good looking guy, like that? The dames wil be breakin' his door down." "DAMES!?" Roger snapped. "What dames!? Jessica's the only one for me, you'll see! We'll rise above this piddling peccadillo! We're gonna be happy again, you got that? Happy! Capital H-A-P-P-I!" he zipped out the window, leaving a large rabbit shaped hole in the glass. "Well, at least he took it well." Maroon shrugged, then his window blind fell clear off the window plate.

"Maybe one of us should go talk to him" Maki suggested. "I'll go" Nico stepped forward. The night was a rough one for Roger. He walked along, sobbing as he looked at photographs with his lovely wife, sitting on an ACME box. "Oh, Jessica... Please tell me it's not true... P-P-Please..." he sniffled. "Roger? You okay?" Nico came over. Roger put his pictures away, wiping away a tear with his ear. "I remember you from the office. What do you want?" "I just wanna talk." Nico sat next to him. "I know what you just saw was hard to believe, but I'm sure there must be a logical explanation" "I hope so. I can't bare to lose Jessica" Roger sniffed. Nico thought of something to cheer Roger up. "Nico Nico Nii! I'll make your heart warm Nico Nico Nii! I'm Nico Yazawa!" she did her catchphrase and stroke an idol-like pose. Roger looked up and giggled a bit. "Feeling better?" Nico asked. "A little bit, thanks Nico. Where's your friend?" Roger smiled. "Maki? She's spending the night with Eddie I think. Mind if I bunk in with you?" Nico asked. "Not at all." Roger replied.


	3. Chapter 3

Maki spent the night at Eddie's office. He told her all about his brother and how he got killed by a Toon. The next morning, Maki was bright and awake while Eddie had fallen asleep at his desk with a beer bottle in his hand. Maki came out of the bathroom after she finished grooming herself once a bottle hit a metal can, snapping Eddie awake as well. "Oh, Lieutenant Santino." Eddie looked sharp at the new man in the office. "Where'd you come from?" Maki shrugged, she hadn't seen the man come in either. "Gee Whiz, Eddie, if you needed money so bad, why didn't you come to me?" Santino asked, seeing the photographs between Acme and Jessica. "And to what? Keep you company with a little girl?" "I'm a guest, sir." Maki stated. "So I took a couple of dirty pictures, so kill me." Eddie shrugged, pouring himself another glass of alcohol. "I already got a stiff neck on my hands, thank you." Santino answered. "Huh?" Maki and Eddie asked. "Marvin Acme" Santino confirmed. "The rabbit and some kid cacked him last night." "What?" Eddie breathed, finding that hard to believe. Maki knew the kid had to be Nico since she spent the night with Roger.

Eddie took Maki into his car to examine the crime scene. "Okay, you let me do the talkin', kid. This place can be dangerous if you don't know what you're doin'." he left the car, going inside Acme's factory. "Mr. Valiant, I have known Nico for a long time and I know that she would never do something like this" Maki remarked, following him. There was distant laughing, which stopped them. They looked far behind a brick wall to see a laughing sun with a magical rainbow and cheerfulness throughout the area. "What now?" Santino, seeing him see a bit squeamish at the cartoonish background. "It's just I haven't been this close to Toontown for a while." Eddie replied. There came out a shooting man with his butt on fire. Maki stepped back and saw it was classic Yosemite Sam. "My biscuits are burnin'! Fire in the hatch! Oh, great horny toads, that smarts!" Sam placed his butt in a puddle and cooled down instantly. Maki just rolled her eyes. "Come on, you two, let's get this over with." Santino told Maki and Eddie, going inside Acme's old factory. "They're with me." he told the security guard as they walked inside the place. Maki and Eddie came to see a safe had been dropped on a chalk outline. Not a Toon safe, that couldn't hurt you, but it was a real life safe. Now, that would hurt. Maki now had to wonder if the person who did it to Acme couldn't had been Roger and Nico, but the same Toon that killed Eddie's brother. "Just like a toon to drop a safe on a guy's head." one of the detectives scoffed. Santino glanced at Eddie, seeing he seemed sour about that, having his brother go out the same way. "Sorry Eddie, you and your, I dunno, niece better wait here, alright?" he walked off to investigate. Maki and Eddie looked around as the detectives worked. They could see that upstairs that Jessica Rabbit was talking with somebody in Acme's office on her way down. "Hey, Chisold, get a load of this." one of the detectives took an old dynamite with a fuse. "You seen one of these, kiddo?" a cop took out a black hole, showing it to Maki. The girl shook her head.

"Hey, guys!" another detective called, holding a giant mallet. The mallet sprung out a boxing glove fist and knocked down some boxes, and came in and out and closed up, noticing Eddie. "Didn't you used to be Eddie Valiant?" The guys laughed at Eddie. He must have had a bad reputation sometime after the death and murder of his brother. "Or did you change your name to Jack Daniels?" the man continued, taunting him. Eddie rolled his eyes and went to investigate the safe with Maki. "What's that?" he noticed some yellow smudges over the rope with some finger prints. "Paint from the rabbit's glove and fingerprints from the human kid." the man taking samples told him. "Mr. Valiant and little girl?" a voice came behind. Maki and Eddie turned to see Jessica Rabbit, looking saucy at them. Jessica slapped Eddie clear across his face and shoved Maki over on her backside. "I hope you're proud of yourselves and those pictures you took!" she stormed away from them. Some cops went to take away Acme's corpse, but one of the cops fell over a closed crate with cartoon shoes like Nazi boots, clown shoes, pink slippers, green heels, and brown loafs. The cops had trouble with them and tried to capture them before they got loose into town. Maki tried to grab some, but some of the shoes walked off with her all around as she shoved them into the box with some of the cops. "Thanks, kid." one cop said. One of the clown shoes hit one cop in the groin, making him nearly drop Acme's body with his hand opening up and dropping the hand buzzer. Eddie decided to walk over and take the hand buzzer as evidence, but a cane dropped on his hand, buzzing it, and making him grunt in pain. Maki went with him and the two looked up to see a man dressed in all black with a flat hat on his head, wearing nearly sunglasses and gloves looking nearly like the Undertaker.

"Are this man and this child removing evidence from the scene of a crime?" the man demanded. "Uh, no, Judge Doom, Valiant and his little friend here were just pickin' it up for ya." Santino covered up. "Weren't ya, Eddie?" Maki shrugged and gestured for Eddie to give the buzzer to the nice, scary looking man. "Hand it over." Doom demanded with his hand open. "Sure." Eddie agreed, slapping his hands around Doom's hand, buzzing and jolting him. "His number one seller." Doom eerily grinned at them. "I see working for a Toon has rubbed off on you." "I wasn't workin' for a Toon, I was workin' for RK Maroon." Eddie defended. Maki couldn't help but snicker at the rhyme. "Yes, we talked to Mr. Maroon," Doom agreed, still bearing a frightening look on his face. "He told us the rabbit and another kid you know became quite agitated when you showed the rabbit the pictures. The rabbit said, 'one way or another, he and his wife were going to be happy' and the other kid you know went to help him. Isn't that true?" Maki had to silently agree. Nico did offer to go and comfort Roger and keep him company even though it was late last night. "Hey, pal, do we look like stenographers?" Eddie mocked Doom. "Shut your yap, Eddie" Santino sneered. "The man's a judge." "That's alright, Lieutenant" Doom said, coolly. "From the smell of them, I'd say it was the booze talking. No matter, the rabbit and kid won't get far. My men will find them." "Who's your men?" Maki asked, with her hands on her hips.

Suddenly, the doors busted open with a car and loud horns blared right in. The car stopped and made a swerving, sharp turn, knocking some boxes over. "Weasels!" Santino gasped. "Yes" Doom replied. "I find they have a special gift for the work." "Who are those weasels?" Maki asked. "They the Toon Patrol, they are called Psycho, Greasy, Smarty, Wheezy, and Stupid." "Alright, ya mugs, fall out!" Smarty, the leader said, getting out of the car first with the others following. "Did you find the rabbit and kid?" Doom asked. "Don't worry, Judge" Smarty assured him. "We got 'deformants' all over the city. We'll find 'em." Maki shuddered at the weasels. They had to be the most hideous cartoon characters she had ever seen and was probably good she had never seen them in a cartoon. "You wouldn't have any idea where the rabbit might be, Mr. Valiant and little girl?" Doom asked. "Have you tried Walla Walla?" Eddie asked, stalling him. "Cucamonga? I hear Kokomo's very nice this time of year." "Rabbit and kid? What rabbit and kid?" Maki said, innocently. "I'm surprised you're not more cooperative, Mr. Valiant" Doom came toward them, dangerously close. "A human has been murdered by a Toon and little girl. Don't you appreciate the magnitude of that?"

Suddenly there was random squeaking. Doom looked to find the source of the sound and looked down to see a Toon clown shoe by his leg. Doom took out an extra rubber glove to capture the Toon and get rid of it for good. "Since I've had Toon Town under my jurisdiction, my goal has been to reign in the insanity. And the only way to do that is to make Toons respect the law." He grabbed the clown shoe as it tried to escape, but it was no use. Doom chuckled and went with the shoe to his weasel minions. "How did that gargoyle get to be a judge?" Eddie asked, whispering to his lieutenant. "Spread a bunch of simoleons around Toontown a couple of years back, bought the election." Santino explained. "What is that stuff?" Maki pointed to a tank Doom opened of what appeared to be revolting acid. "Remember how they always thought there wasn't a way to kill a Toon?" Santino answered with a question to explain. "Well, Doom found a way. Turpentine, acetone, benzene. He calls it 'The Dip'." "I'll catch the rabbit and kid, Mr. Valiant," Doom spoke up, about to dip the clown shoe. "Then I'll try to convict them and execute them..." The clown shoe whimpered over the dip. It then got a splash of the dip and squeaked in pain and misery as it was slowly being killed before Eddie and Maki's eyes, much to their horror. Instantly, the clown shoe was killed and no more as the weasels laughed at its sudden death and Doom looked eerily at the detective and teenage girl. "That's one dead shoe, eh boss?" Wheezy laughed a little. Doom's hand dripped with red paint, it almost looked like blood. He came forth to the new found duo. "They're not kid gloves, Mr. Valiant and little girl. This is how we handle things down in Toon Town. I'd think you of all people would appreciate that." He balled a fist in his glove with the dripping paint. Maki had just about enough being called a 'little girl'. "For your information, I'm not a little girl anymore! I'm a teenager!" she snapped. "Whatever" Doom scoffed.

After that cringing sequence, Maki and Eddie went up to take a break from the case. Maki never thought she would catch herself solving a mystery while Nico was somewhere in Toontown with Roger. Then she and Eddie saw beside his office was a woman with a baby carriage. She took out a lighter and started to put it in the carriage. "Hey, hey, hey, hey, wait a minute!" Eddie rushed over to stop her, but it was shown she was lighting another cigar for Baby Herman. "I never thought I'd live to see babies smoke cigars" Maki said disgustedly, seeing Herman smoking a cigar and not being cute and innocent like in his cartoons with Roger. "I've been trying to make him quit, but he just won't listen to me." the woman said, waving away the awful smoke. "What do ya know, ya dumb broad?" Baby Herman scoffed in his gruff voice. "You got the IQ of a rattle! You Valiant and girl?" "Yeah." Maki and Eddie answered. "I wanna talk to you two about the Acme murder" Baby Herman told them, then turned to his possible girlfriend. "Hey, doll, why don't you run downstairs and get me a racin' form?" he then slapped her butt. The woman called out, then glared at him. "Okay, okay, I'm goin'!" she walked off. "A ladies man, huh?" Eddie remarked. "Isn't she like old enough to be your mommy?" Maki joked. "What's that supposed to mean?" Baby Herman scoffed at her. "My problem is I got a 50 year old lust and a three year old dinky." "Yeah, must be tough." Eddie said.

"Look Valiant and girl, the rabbit and your friend Nico or whatever her name is didn't kill Acme" Baby Herman explained why he wanted to talk with them. "They're not murders, I don't know Nico as well as you do, girl, but I should know about the rabbit, he's a dear friend of mine. I tell you, guys, the whole thing stinks like yesterday's diapers! Look at this" Baby Herman took out the newspaper article about Nico and Roger killing Acme. "The paper said Acme left no will. That's a load of succotash!" "I'll say" Maki agreed. "Every Toon knows Acme had a will, doll face" Baby Herman continued. "He promised to leave Toon Town to us Toons or the next best cartoonist besides RK Maroon. That wall and possible cartoonist's been a son he bumped off." "Has anybody ever seen this will?" Eddie asked the baby. "Uh, no" Herman shrugged. "But he gave us his solemn oath!" "If you believe that joker could do anything solid, the gag's on you, pal!" Eddie turned Herman's carriage around and walked off. "I just figured since you were the one who got my pal in trouble, you might wanna help him out." Baby Herman told Eddie. "I can pay ya!" Eddie didn't like the sound of being paid by a cartoon character. "Save your money for a pair of elevator shoes!" He kicked the carriage away. Baby Herman wailed as he was rolled away and bumped into his girl, knocking the cigar out of his clutches. "My stogie!" Then he cried, obnoxiously and immaturely. For a baby, it's cute, but with Herman's natural voice, it sounded awkward and childish. Eddie and Maki glanced at him and Eddie slammed the door behind them.


	4. Chapter 4

Eddie threw down the newspaper and took a closer look at it at his desk with Maki sitting to the edge and respected Eddie's privacy and feelings by not sitting in Teddy's old desk. "It ain't my fault the rabbit and kid got themselves in trouble." Eddie mumbled, taking a drink. "I don't know what Nico did with Roger, but I know that they couldn't have done this" Maki said. Eddie shrugged and gulped his drink. He placed it down and made himself comfortable to end his work day. "All I did was take a couple of lousy pictures." Maki spotted something. The glass was magnifying the photograph in the paper, making her look closely. "Eddie, check this out." Eddie leaned with her to take a closer look. He picked up his glass and saw closely into Marvin Acme's pocket that there was a Last Will and Testament. Eddie then took out his detective kit and took out a magnifying glass to take a closer look to make sure his eyes weren't fooling him. He looked through the photographs with Maki and still saw the will in his jacket pocket. "The baby was right." he whispered. Eddie had a dawning realization look on his face, but shrugged it off. "The Hell with it! "I hope Roger and Nico are alright." Maki held the paper. "Whatever, I need a nap, feel free to look around but stay out of Teddy's things, alright?" Eddie told her, pulling out his filing cabinet and making up his bed. "Sure, Eddie." Maki understood.

Eddie kicked off his shoes and laid down in his bed. Then he turned over, opened his eyes slightly and screamed once he saw Roger and Nico had been in his bed. Maki dashed over to see what the problem was and she screamed too, seeing them after all this murder business. "How the hell did you get in here?" Eddie demanded. "Through the mail slot" Roger shrugged. "Is that how we did it?" Nico couldn't remember. "I thought it would be best if we waited inside, seeing's how we're wanted for murder." Roger explained. "No kidding." Eddie scoffed. "Just talking to you could get us a rap for aiding and abetting. Wait a minute" he turned back to the human girl and Toon rabbit. "Anybody know you're here?" "Nobody, not a soul, except, uh..." Roger said, then remembered. "Who?" Eddie and Maki asked. "Well, you see..." Roger came close to Eddie to explain, jumping onto the bed. "We didn't know where your office was. So we asked the newsboy, he didn't know. So, we asked the fireman, the greengrocer, the butcher, the baker, they didn't know. But the liquor store guy, he knew..." "Now that I think about it, it was probably a bad idea to ask all those people." Nico said to herself. "In other words, the whole damn town knows you're here!" Eddie grabbed Roger and Nico to throw them out. "Hey! Let me go!" Nico growled. "Eddie, take it easy, will ya!?" Roger cried. "Please Eddie, don't throw us out! You're making a big mistake! We didn't kill anybody, we swear! The whole thing's a set up, a scam, a frame job, OW!" Roger started to feel pain once Eddie tried to make them leave. "Mr. Valiant, leave Nico out of this!" Maki hissed. "Eddie, I could never hurt anybody, and this Nico seems like the gentle type! OW!" Roger continued to clear their names to him. "My whole purpose in life is to make people laugh!" He fell with Eddie once he got loose, then settled himself down.

"Okay, okay, sure, I admit it. I got a little steamed once you showed me those pictures of Jessica." Eddie went to tackle him, but he missed once Roger hopped out of his way. "So, after talking with Nico, we rushed over to the Ink and Paint Club" Roger continued to explain, dodging Eddie at all possible ways. "But she wasn't in her dressing room, so I wrote her a love letter!" "What?" Maki said, flatly at that choice of revenge. "Wait a minute, wait a minute." Even Eddie thought that was strange, even for a Toon. "You're telling me in a fit of jealousy, you wrote your wife a love letter?" "That's right" Roger smiled, seeing they were on his side now. "I know that she was just an innocent victim of circumstance!" "We suppose you used the old lipstick on the mirror routine, huh?" Eddie guessed. "Lipstick yes, mirror no. I found a nice, clean piece of paper," Roger showed the paper written in Jessica's lipstick and started hopping on the bed. "'Dear Jessica, how do I love thee? Let me count the ways. One one-thousand! Two one-thousand! Three one-thousand! Four one-thousand!'." "Why didn't you just leave the letter there?" Eddie asked. "Obviously, a poem of this power and sensitivity, must-" Roger was interrupted as Eddie yanked his ears. "Be read in person..." he said once he was placed back down. "So I went home to wait for her with Nico, but the weasels were there waitin' for us. So... So... We ran..." "So why come to me?" Eddie asked. "Don't answer that question, Nico, I know why YOU'RE here. I'm the guy that took the pictures of your wife, Roger!" "Yeah" Roger said as he looked at old newspaper articles of Eddie in his business. "And you're also the guy that helped all these Toons. Everybody knows when a Toon's in trouble, there's only one place to go, Valiant & Valiant!" "Not anymore." Eddie mumbled.

Roger went to sit in the other dusty desk. "GET OUTTA THAT CHAIR!" Eddie snapped at Roger. Roger looked scared and worried, stepping away from it and leaving a print stain on the chair. "That's my brother's chair..." Eddie said, softly. "Yeah, where is your brother, anyway?" Roger asked, simply as he looked at an old photograph of Eddie and Teddy standing together. "He looks like a sensitive and sober fellow." "What happened?" Nico whispered. "Dead." Maki said, gravely. "That's it" Eddie grabbed his telephone. "I'm callin' the cops." "Go ahead, call the cops" Roger took Nico's hand to walk right out. "We come here for help and what do you do? You turn us in. No, no, don't feel guilty about us. So long and thanks for nothing." He slammed the door behind them. "Did they just walk away in the closet?" Maki asked. "Stupe" Eddie mumbled. He walked in the closet to get the girl and rabbit out, but found no one in there. "Eddie Valiant," Roger came out, impersonating a gruff officer and putting handcuffs on his wrist and Eddie's as Nico walked out, plainly. "You're under arrest!" "GET OUTTA THERE!" Eddie threw Roger out on his bed in anger. "How'd you come in through the mail slot anyway?" Maki asked Nico "I don't know and don't remember" Nico shrugged. "Idiot, I got no keys for these cuffs." Eddie growled at Roger.

Suddenly sirens roared. Parking outside the building were the weasels. Roger screamed for his dear life. "It's the Toon Patrol! Hide us, Eddie, p-p-please!" He grabbed Nico to hide with him. "Remember, you never saw us!" "GET OUTTA THERE!" Eddie kept yelling at Roger. "Nico, you hide in the closet or something." Maki pushed him in and closed the door, unknowingly locking him in as the door locked on the other side. "Don't let 'em find us!" Roger pleaded to the detective. "Come on, Eddie and Maki, you're our only hope." The weasels were banging on the door, wanting to be let in. "Open up in the name of the law!" Smarty hissed from outside. "Just a minute!" Maki called to them. "P-P-Please, Eddie" Roger continued to sound weak. "You know there's no justice for Toons anymore. If the weasels get their hands on us, I'm as good as dipped and who knows what they would do to Nico?" "Don't make us play rough, Valiant!" Smarty continued to grow impatient. "We just want the rabbit and human brat!" "What're we gonna do, you guys?" Roger sounded desperate. "What're we gonna do?" "What's all this 'we' stuff?" Eddie asked, glancing at him. "They just want the rabbit." "Mr. Valiant, don't!" Maki cried. Eddie hushed her. "I got an idea, play along." Maki shrugged, unsure of what was going to happen, but tried to follow along with what was happening around her. Suddenly, the door had shooting to open it. The weasels grew tired of waiting for an answer, so they barged right in. One by one the weasels came in, looking around and couldn't find the humans anywhere. "Looks like they gave us the slip, huh, boss?" Greasy asked, walking in with the others. "Nah." Smarty said, looking carefully. "Valiant and that little doll's got 'em stashed somewhere." Eddie and Maki hummed, by the sink. They had soap and water and scrubbed with Eddie's hands in the sink and Maki was putting away some dishes. "Hold it right there!" Smarty snapped at them.

"Hello, boys" Eddie glanced at them. "We didn't hear you come in." "Okay, wise guys" Smarty put a chair by the sink to put his gun to their heads. "Where's the rabbit and human?" "Haven't seen them." Eddie shook his head. Smarty sniffed in the sink, smelling something suspicious. "What's in there?" Eddie took out a stocking. "Maki's lingerie." Maki winced once she heard that and continued to wash some dishes to keep herself busy. Smarty looked at Maki up and down and grinned. "I'd like to see ya wear that... How about Saturday night at my place, doll face?" Maki slapped him in the face sassily and continued to do some cleaning. "Fiesty" Smarty grumbled. "I like that in a gal." Then he started to leave with the other weasels. Roger came up, gasping for air and spit out the soapy water. Eddie and Maki shoved him back in and chuckled nervously and innocently. "Search the place, boys and leave no stone 'interned'" Smarty commanded. "Look, Valiant and teen girl, we got a reliable tip-off, the rabbit and kid was here and it was 'corrugated' by several others" Then he put his gun to Maki's head. "So cut the bull shtick." "You keep talkin' like that in the presence of a young lady, I'm gonna have to wash your mouth out." Eddie said, shoving a bar of soap into the fowl weasel's mouth. Smarty was pushed back by the soap, making him hit some boxes. The other weasels looked at him and started laughing at his misfortune as Roger came back out for air, but luckily, the weasels didn't see him. "Stop that laughin'!" Smarty hissed at them, spitting the soap out, knocking out Wheezy. He took out a plunger as Psycho, Greasy, and Stupid kept laughing. "Stop that laughin'! You know what happens when you can't stop laughin'!" he hit Greasy and Psycho on the head and shoved the plunger on Stupid's mouth and started to leave with his boys. "One of these days you're gonna die laughin'." Maki was lightly giggling, then grew serious and back to distraction work. "As for you Valiant, step outta line and we'll hang YOU and your laundry out to dry" Smarty handed a card to Maki. "Call me whenever ya want." He winked before leaving with the weasels. "Come on, boys. Let's am-scray." Maki shuddered and tossed the card over her shoulder. She looked closely and turned to Eddie and Roger. "Alright, the coast is clear." Eddie pulled Roger out, allowing the rabbit to spit out some water and soap again. "They're gone! Jeepers, you guys, that was swell!" Roger wrung the water out of his ears. "You saved our lives! How can we ever repay ya?" Roger then took Eddie and Maki, kissing them right on the mouth. Eddie spat it out and Maki wasn't sure how to feel. "For starters, don't EVER kiss us again!" Eddie growled, spitting out the taste from his mouth.

Later that night, Cherry put Nico in a disguise with sunglasses, an over coat, a hat and a scarf and Eddie hid Roger in his jacket. They decided to go to the bar again to ask the waitress they met for help. "Dolores!" Eddie called as the waitress was with a table and a trolley was rumbling by. "Dolores!" Maki called with him. "DOOOLOOOORESSSS!" Maki and Eddie yelled at the top of their lungs once the trolley came by. Dolores, and a lot of the patrons looked at them. Dolores went their way as Nico followed and kept quiet. "Hey Eddie, you made the front page today!" a man called to the private investigator. "Yeah, I guess I made some ink." Eddie shrugged. "Come on, Eddie!" Roger popped out, but got shoved right back in the suffocating jacket, which made him appear to be pregnant of some sort. "So, tell me, Eddie," Dolores came, with her arms crossed and a smirk on her face. "Is that a rabbit in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?" "Cut the comedy, Dolores, we've had a very hard day." Eddie said in a hushed tone, taking her in the back to privately handle this situation. "I gotta get outta these cuffs." "Oh, swell." Dolores mumbled, sarcastically. Finally as they were alone, Nico took off her hat, scarf and glasses once Roger broke free from Eddie's heavy coat. "Jeepers, Eddie, that almost killed me!" Roger breathed. "Boy, what is this? Some kind of a secret room?" "It's a rotgut room." Dolores explained. Roger went to explore and rambled as Maki settled Nico. Eddie grabbed Roger and tried to find a way to get out of the forced handcuffs. "I thought you said you'd never take another Toon case." Dolores told Eddie. "What'd you have, a change of heart?" "Nothing's changed." Eddie told her. "Somebody's made a Patsy outta me and I'm gonna find out why." He took out a box and a hacksaw, placing his and Roger's arms down to cut the saw.

"Shouldn't you kids be in school?" Dolores asked Maki and Nico. "Um...we're on vacation" Maki lied. "Yeah, that's it" said Nico. "Hold still, will ya?" Eddie barked to Roger as the box was wobbling as he tried to saw the cuffs. Roger slipped his wrist out of the cuff and held the box steady and still. "Does this help?" "Yeah, thanks." Eddie said, then stopped sawing as he noticed what happened. Roger smiled nervously and put the cuff back on around his wrist. "Do you mean to tell me that you could have taken your hand outta that cuff at any time!?" Eddie growled, not impressed with his antics. "No, not any time" Roger said, plainly. "Only when it was funny." "GET OUT!" Eddie yelled at him. Roger jumped to a seat. "Come on, Eddie, where's your sense of humor?" he said, silly. "He always this funny, or only on days when he's wanted for murder?" Dolores asked, grimly. "We didn't kill Marvin Acme, trust me." Nico spoke up. "Listen, my philosophy is this," Roger advised. "If you don't have a good sense of humor, you're better off dead!" "Well, you may get your wish unless I can figure out what happened to this!" Eddie sneered, throwing a rolled up paper. Dolores grabbed it and opened it to examine. "What is it, Eddie?" Roger asked. "Just look at it." Eddie told him.

Nico looked with the waitress and Toon rabbit. It was a photograph of Acme's pocket with his will with a red circle around it. "Mr. Acme's will!" Roger discovered. "Yeah, and I think Maroon played the part of sound mind and your wife, the sound body. I just can't figure out why Nico would be dragged into this mess." Eddie continued, as he sawed the cuff and Maki held the box for him. "Why, I resent that innuendo!" Roger snapped with a hammer in his hand. "What's the scheme, Eddie?" Dolores asked, taking the hammer from him. "I don't think they got to the will," Eddie answered. "But how do you know?" Maki asked. "Because, they were still looking for it after they killed him." Eddie looked into her eyes, then focused on the handcuffs. "Anything I can do?" Dolores asked. Eddie looked at her. "Maybe you could go downtown and check the probate." "Yeah, check the probate." Roger agreed. "Why, my Uncle Thumper had a problem with his probate, and he had to take these big pills and drink lots of water." Eddie and Dolores eyed him, strangely. "Not prostate, you idiot, probate!" Eddie corrected. "Let me get this straight. You think that my boss, RK Maroon, dropped a safe on Marvin Acme's head so that he could get his hands on Toon Town?" Roger asked. "Yep" Eddie said, finally getting free from the handcuffs. "That's my hunch." He grabbed his jacket, looking at Nico and Roger, then at Dolores. "Uh, can they stay here for a couple of days?" "Not gonna do anything crazy, are they?" Dolores asked, glancing at them. Nico watched as Roger was sawing inside of his ears with the hacksaw, moaning with pleasure. Maki and Eddie shrugged, then went away. "Where are you goin'?" Dolores asked. "Back to the office" Eddie told her, leaving with Maki. When they got to Eddie's office, Maki decided to take a nap while Eddie took a break.


	5. Chapter 5

Maki woke up in a flash and saw a kiss mark on Eddie's face with his pants pulled down and Dolores looked very angry. "What happened?" Maki looked around. "Never mind that" Dolores told her, strictly. "Come on, we're getting going!" "I told you, Dolores, it's not what it looked like!" Eddie cried. Maki shrugged, then got ready to go with them back to the bar. Dolores left in a huff and Eddie followed them, getting his jacket on. "Come on, Dolores!" Eddie called after her. "You don't believe a painted hussy like that could turn my head. She's just trying to get her hands on the rabbit and Nico." "That's not all she's trying to get her hands on," Dolores scoffed. "Now, look, Dolores, listen..." Eddie tried to calm her. "I hope you're proud of yourself." Maki glared at Jessica who was in a car not too far from them. "Honey, it's business. You'll understand when you're older." Jessica told her with her glazed eyes. "You're bad!" "Like I told Mr. Valiant... I'm not bad, I'm just drawn that way, now be mature like an adult." Maki huffed and went after Dolores and Eddie. "I'm on the verge of wrappin' up this case." Eddie tried to smooth talk Dolores to get her out of the bad mood. "No, you're not, Eddie!" Dolores hissed. "That's what I came to tell you. I stopped by probate. Maroon's not after Toontown like you thought. It's Cloverleaf that wants to get their hands on Toontown. They put in the highest bid. And unless Mr. Acme's will shows up by midnight tonight with an eligible cartoonist, Cloverleaf's gonna own Toon Town." "What?" Eddie stepped forward, seeing the Cloverleaf building. "At midnight tonight?" "That's right." Dolores clarified. "First they buy the red car, then they wanna get their hands on Toontown. I don't get it!"

Suddenly, inside the bar there was rapid piano music playing. There was also the distinct sound of Roger's laughter. "Roger!" Eddie grabbed Dolores and Maki's hands and ran inside the building with them. What they didn't know was that the man hole they were standing by opened up to reveal the weasels, spying and eavesdropping. "The rabbit and the girl!" Smarty snickered. "Get the judge." He went back down with his friends to get their boss. The group walked into the bar to see Nico clapping to the song while Roger sang to many bar flies. Maki and Eddie were a little angry since they were supposed to be hiding.

Roger: A joke don't sit there on your brain

Roger laughed at one of the bar patrons, entertaining them. "Whoo-hoo, nice shirt! Who's your tailor, Quasimodo?" he continued to perform for them.

Roger: My buddy's Eddie V.  
He's a sourpuss, you see  
But when I'm done he'll need no gun

Cuz a joker he will be  
C, D, E, F, G, H, I  
I love to raise some Cain!

Believe me, it's no strain  
I feel so great to smash a plate  
And look, there's no pain

No pain  
No pain  
No pain  
No-

The record broke and Nico tried to fix it to continue on with the show as Roger was smashing plates against his head without any injury. Dolores panicked since she had to wash and serve those dishes for her job. Eddie stopped the record and yanked Roger by the ears again and gripped Nico by her wrist and threw them in the rotgut. Eddie closed the door behind them. "Hey! Who turned out the lights!?" Roger flopped with his head in a mop bucket. "I can't see a thing! What's going on?" "You crazy rabbit and teen!" Eddie hissed. "We've been out there riskin' our necks for you. And what're you doin'? SINGIN' AND DANCIN'!" Roger managed to get the bucket off his head. "But, I'm a Toon. Toons are supposed to make people laugh." "SIDDOWN!" Eddie growled. "Mr. Valiant!" Maki was shocked that he was more angry than usual. "We're sorry!" Nico cried, sitting with Roger on a soap box. "You don't understand" Roger tried to explain. "Those people needed to laugh." "Yeah, and when they're done laughin', they'll call the cops!" Eddie snapped. "That guy Angelo would rat on you for a nickel!" "Not Angelo, he'd never turn us in." Roger defended. "WHY!? Because you made him laugh?" "That's right. A laugh can be a very powerful thing. Why, sometimes in life, it's the only weapon we have."

Suddenly there was red alert buzzing. Eddie shushed everyone in the room with him, this could be very serious. Maki found a waitress uniform with a big fat pink hair bow and decided to sneak out and investigate like a true detective undercover. Eddie, Nico, and Roger stayed behind to stay hidden out of place and out of mind. Maki nearly froze once Judge Doom entered, looking cold and icy as usual. "I'm looking for a couple of murderers." Doom demanded. The patrons all looked around and tried to keep quiet, not even mentioning Roger or Nico. Even the trolley outside that passed seemed silent. "A rabbit and a girl." Doom continued, walking about the tavern. "A Toon rabbit and a human girl... About... Yay big..." He clamped his hand over top a short man in the bar, squishing him down to the floor by the broken plates. "Look, there's no rabbit or girl here." Dolores lied, coolly. "So don't harass my costumers." "I didn't come here to harass, I came here to reward," Doom clarified. He took a man with a pool cue by the sleeve and wiped the blackboard for French Dip and wrote on the board with chalk, scraping it which rattled everyone's ears for Rabbit and Girl Dip for $5,000. Angelo whistled at that. "Hey, I've seen a rabbit and teen..." Maki's eyes widened at him. She felt heavy wheezy breathing down her neck and turned to see it was Smarty. She stroke him in the face with a cold hard punch, knocking him down. "Where?" Doom asked the sloppy man, coming toward him. "Where!?" "They're right here in the bar." Angelo replied. He took out his arm over a stool with a cheeky smile. "Well, say hello... Harvey and Frankie."

The men all started to laugh at the imaginary accused murderers while Doom just stared at them coldly. Doom looked at them with a frightening grin to silence them. Suddenly, there was a record still skipping. Eddie had stopped the song, but the record was still going. Doom held the record, glancing at the title. "'Merry-Go-Round, Broke Down'. Quite a loony selection for a group of drunken reprobates..." "That's mine..." Maki stepped forward, disguising her voice. "Is that right?" Doom glared at her, looking at the name-tag on her disguise. "Lucy?" Maki nodded, answering to her new name and swiping the record. "Let me see that, little GIRL!" Doom grabbed the record back and sniffed it, which made everyone wonder why he was. He grinned at his minions, throwing the record. "He's HERE!" Stupid had his mouth wide open and the record landed into his mouth, making the other weasels laugh at him. Even Smarty couldn't help himself. "STOP THAT LAUGHING!" Doom demanded, shoving Smarty against a table. "Have you forgotten what happened last time? If you don't stop laughing, you're gonna end up DEAD, just like your idiot, hyena cousins!" "Say, boss" Smarty settled himself. "You want we should 'disresemble' the place?" "No, Sergeant" Doom replied. "Disassembling the place won't be necessary. The rabbit or girl are going to come right to me." "If you come clean now, I'll go easy on ya, sweet cheeks." Smarty nuzzled up to Maki. "I'm just fuzzy all over." Maki kicked him in the stomach to flung him back against a wall.

Doom went to the bar table and started tapping Shave and a Haircut. "What are you doing?" Maki raised an eyebrow at that attempt. "No Toon can resist the old Shave and a Haircut trick." Doom explained, then continued tapping. 'Oh, I hope Roger isn't listening to it' Maki thought as Doom went around tapping the song. "Shave and a haircut..." Doom sang quietly, against a wall far from where the guys were. Unfortunately, that did it. Roger broke through the wall happily. "TWO BITS!" he sang out loud, exposing himself and Nico. Doom then grabbed Roger by the throat. "Hey Judge, what should we do with the wall flowers?" Smarty asked, holding a knife for Eddie and Nico. "We'll see to them later" Doom said, tightening his grip around Roger's neck. "Right now, I feel like dispensing some justice. Bring me some Dip." Suddenly, the Dip was brought in and opened ready to kill off Roger.

"Does the condemned have anything to say before his sentence is carried out?" Doom offered any last words. "Why, yeah, I-" Roger tried to answer, but gagged as he was strangled again to go inside the dreaded Dip. Nico went to the table, remembering something that happened with Roger earlier. She whispered to Eddie a request. "Aren't you too young to be drinking?" Eddie whispered to her. "Remember what happened in Maroon's office when Roger drank some?" Nico asked. "Ohhh..." Eddie realized, then went to his waitress friend. "Dolores, Bourbon, and make it a double." "Fine time for a drink, Eddie," Dolores said, sarcastically then went to make the drink. "Maybe you'd like a bowl of pretzels to go with it!" "Just pour the drink, Dolores." Eddie said, shaking that Roger was almost going to be killed. Dolores shrugged and poured the drink as told. "Hey, Judge!" Eddie called to Doom. "Don't a dyin' rabbit deserve a last request?" "Yeah! Nose plugs would be nice!" Roger cried as he was paused from being dipped. "I think you want a drink." Eddie said, lifting the glass of Bourbon. "How 'bout it, Judge, huh?" "Well, why not?" Doom shrugged and place Roger right side up. "I don't mind prolonging the execution." "Happy Trails!" Eddie handed the glass. "No thanks, Eddie, I'm tryin' to cut down." Roger declined. "Drink the drink!" "But I don't want the drink!" "He doesn't want the drink!" Doom added. "He does!" Eddie argued. "I don't!" Roger protested. "You do!" "I don't!" "You do!" "I don't!" "You don't." Maki stepped forward. Eddie and Nico looked at her strangely. "I do!" Roger argued with her. "You don't!" "I do!" "You don't!" "Listen!" Roger swiped the glass. "When I say 'I do', that means 'I do'!" He gulped down the drink and started to have one of his infamous spasms. "Classic Bugs Bunny gag." Nico giggled.

Eddie, Nico, and Maki instantly ducked down as Dolores stayed up, waiting to see what was going to happen. Eddie grabbed her and pulled her down with them. Eddie started to beat up the weasels while Roger was having his fit and pushing Doom back with the bar men. Roger finished and nearly plummeted into the Dip, but Eddie grabbed him. Maki and Nico pushed the Dip tank down, splashing it in their way and ran out with Eddie. Even Doom seemed to be afraid to touch the Dip, but why would a human that knows it can only kill Toons do such a thing? "Come on, guys, let's get outta here!" Roger cried, taking the lead. The group made it outside and started thinking of a getaway. They found the Toon Patrol car and decided to go away in it. Eddie took the driver's seat while Maki and Nico were squished in the middle and Roger sat in the passenger seat. "What're you waitin' for?" Roger asked, seeing Eddie wasn't driving. "There's no damn key!" Eddie hissed. "Hey, you weasels, let me outta here, will ya? I gotta make a livin'!" a voice shouted from the back. "Is that Benny the Cab?" Cherry wondered out loud. Roger opened the small window. "Benny, is that you?" "No, it's Eleanor Roosevelt!" the voice said, sarcastically. "Come on Roger, get me outta here!" Roger slipped in through the window with the others still in the Toon Patrol car. Roger's love letter slipped out and Eddie grabbed it and stuffed it in his pocket. "We gotta ride, open the doors!" Roger told the human group. Eddie, Maki, and Nico climbed out of the car and saw Benny the Cab come right out of the doors. "Ah, that's better!" Benny sighed. "I can't believe they locked me up for drivin' on a sidewalk!" "Come on, guys, get in!" Roger called to them. They did as told and tried to get comfortable. It's not every day a human drives a cartoon car. "It was just a couple of miles..." Benny continued, shrugging his tires. "I'll drive." Eddie said, getting behind the wheel. "But I wanna drive!" Roger whined. "No, I'LL drive, I'M the cab!" Benny told them, then started driving down the streets with them. "Outta my way pencil neck! How about this weather, huh? It never rains! And how about those Brooklyn Dodgers? Are they bums or what?"

There were sirens, and everyone turned to see the weasels on their tail. "Benny, Eddie, Maki, Nico, we got company!" Roger cried. "Would you look at those two?" Benny pointed to two cars in front of them and cut in. "Excuse me ladies! Now that's what I call a couple of road hogs!" Maki and Nico sunk low in the backseats while Roger looked panicked with the weasels and their guns to take them down. "Benny, look out for the red car!" Roger cried as a trolley came to pass. Benny swerved and missed it, turning back on the road and driving again. The Toon Patrol did the same and went right after them. Suddenly, a couple of officers came as they were seeming to speed. "Benny, there's cops right behind us!" Roger cried. "Not for long, Roger!" Benny assured, driving backwards into an alley. "Now they're right in front of us!" "Eddie, we're goin' backwards, turn us around!" Roger yelled out. "Gimme the wheel! Gimme the wheel!" Benny spun all around and zipped down the alley to leave the cops in the dust. "The cops are still on our tail!" Roger pointed out. "I KNOW the cops are on our tail!" Eddie snapped back. "Whatya think I am, bl-" He screamed with the others as the Toon Patrol van rode up. "PULL THE LEVER!" Benny yelled. "Which one? Which one?" the group looked at the various different buttons. Suddenly a sign came up, pointing to a lever reading: This Lever, Stupid. Eddie pulled the lever, making Benny spring up with them and the wheels still on the ground, only extended. The Toon Patrol and cops looked shocked, then crashed into each other as the group escaped. "I'm gettin' too old for this!" Benny yelled. Maki moaned, groaned, and cupped her mouth. "Hey, kid, no messin' up my paint job!" Benny noticed how she looked car sick. He then noticed a bridge before them. "Hey Roger, whatya call the middle of a song?" "Gee, I dunno" Roger scratched his head, then clung onto Eddie as he saw the bridge coming up. "A BRIDGE!" Benny made it over the bridge and lowered his wheels back to normal, laughing. "Well fella, where can I drop ya?" "Somewhere we can hide." Roger answered. "I got just the place" Benny smiled. "And incidentally, if you should ever need a ride, just stick out your thumb! Hey! Share the road, will ya, lady?" Maki gulped and passed out from all the excitement.


	6. Chapter 6

Benny had taken the group to the movie theater where there were some Goofy cartoons showing. Many children in the audience laughed. Maki and Nico watched with interest and Roger was laughing so hard, he was throwing popcorn almost everywhere. To hide away from the many people, they hid in the balcony. "Boy, did you see that?" Roger asked Eddie in between laughs who was just as stoic as ever. "Nobody takes a wallop like Goofy! What timing, what finesse, what a genius!" Eddie yanked Roger by the ears once again. "We're supposed to be hidin'. What's wrong with you?" "What's wrong with YOU?" Roger glared at Eddie. "At least Nico knows a good joke when she hears one, and Maki has even made me laugh a few times, and you're the only person in this theater that isn't laughing! Is there nothing that can permeate your impervious puss?" Eddie flinched and wiped the spit from Roger's speech. "Hey, Eddie!" Roger made a goofy face, but snapped back quickly. "Boy, nothin'. What could have possibly happened to you that turned you into such a sourpuss?" Maki and Nico moved away a couple of seats while Eddie told Roger the story of what happened to Teddy Valiant. Roger broke down crying after hearing it. "I never did find out who that guy was" Eddie mentioned the Toon. "I'll never forget this though. He was standing over me, laughin', with those burnin' red eyes, and that high, squeaky voice. He disappeared into Toontown after that." The girls felt bad for Eddie. "No wonder you hate me," Roger bawled. "If a Toon killed my brother, I'd hate me too..." "Come on, don't cry, I don't hate ya." Eddie tried to calm him down. "Yes you do." "No, I don't." "You do hate me. Otherwise you wouldn't have yanked my ears all those times." "Alright, I-I'm sorry I yanked your ears." "All the times you yanked my ears?" Roger turned to him, fluttering his eyes. "All the times I yanked your ears." Eddie clarified. "Apology accepted!" Roger held out his hand. "Put 'er there, pal, I feel better al-" he shook Eddie's hand, vigorously, then turned as the movie screen went black. "Oh, boy! I hope it's another cartoon!"

But it wasn't, it was a news break. "Jeepers, another stupid newsreel" Roger was gratefully disappointed. "I hate the news..." Dolores came in, looking like she was dressed up to go away for a little while and sat right next to Eddie. "Did you get all my stuff?" Eddie asked. "Yes, it's all packed up in the car outside." Dolores whispered. "Would have been here right after you called, but I had to shake the weasels." "That sounds like a euphemism." Maki remarked. "Hey, why don't you two go get some candy or something?" Eddie rushed them out with some money. Maki and Nico shrugged, leaving the room to give them some privacy. "I think she likes him." Maki spoke up. "I'm pretty sure too." Nico agreed. "Are we gonna get in trouble if we hang out here?" "What's the worst that could happen?" "Don't say that out loud." Roger came out to see them as they got cookie dough bites and mini popcorn. Eddie was on his way out, but there was a part of the news mention Maroon Cartoon Studios, making Eddie, Nico, and Maki on full alert. Maroon had sealed a deal for Cloverleaf and seemed to have been the highest bidder Dolores told them about earlier. "That's it! That's the connection!" Eddie barked, then went to his car with his group as Dolores went home.

They drove their way to Maroon Cartoons. Roger looked a little on the edge to be around because of this case going around. "Let's forget it." Roger stammered. "There's nobody here." "Is that it or are you scared?" Eddie asked. "P-P-Please! Me? Scared? Don't be ridiculous! When you called Maroon, you told him you had the will, but you don't." Roger walked out with them. "He's probably gonna be mad at you, Eddie." Nico added. "He might try to kill ya!" "I can handle it, Hollywood Cream Puff." Eddie retorted. "I just don't want the odds to change. You cover my back. You hear or see anything, beep the horn twice." Roger agreed while Eddie ran up the stairs. Maki and Nico went and waited in the car in case anything would happen without Eddie. Roger mentioned he was ready, only to get clunked on the head with a frying pan and knocked out. "HEY!" Nico went out of the car. "Who did that?" Then she got hit on the head. Maki walked out and grabbed the pan before it could hit her. "YOU!" "I'm afraid so, sweetheart." Jessica told her. "Why would you do that to your husband?" "It's a long story. I can knock you out too if you squeal on me!" "Don't even think it!" "Now, hush and help me take care of my husband and your friend." Maki unwillingly helped Jessica place the bodies in the trunk of her car. "Why should I trust you?" "I told you before, kid, I'm not bad, I'm just drawn that way, you and Valiant got me all wrong" Jessica told her. "Now come on, we better get to Toontown before Eddie does and the killer tries to put his lights out for good." "You can drive?" Maki asked, getting in the passenger seat. "Of course, I can drive, the only woman I know who can't drive is Goofy's wife." Jessica started to car and drove them quickly as gun shots were heard inside Maroon Cartoon studios.

"I didn't know Goofy had a wife" said Maki. "Yes, they have a son together. Sshe's thinking of quitting though. She can't stand being married to a goof ball, but I find a sense of humor powerful in a man. That's why I married Roger." Jessica said, driving. "Speaking of which, did you have to knock out Roger and Nico?" "Yeah, I don't want those two to get hurt." Maki eyed her as she said that. Her eyes grew wide as she was going into a tunnel. "Where are we going?" "Home" Jessica answered. "It's where the heart is." Jessica winced as she saw a rock in the road and swerved around her. Maki yelped and landed in Jessica's chest. "Are you okay, kid?" Jessica asked and looked around. "Kid?" "Hello, Mrs. Rabbit..." Maki muffled in her chest. Jessica pulled her out and settled her. "We have to save Toontown before midnight tonight because we don't have Acme's will or a future cartoonist." As Jessica drove through Toontown, Maki looked at the amazing cartoonish surroundings. Maki and Jessica left the car when they arrived at a dark alley. "The murderer of Acme should be here waiting for Eddie." Jessica took out a gun. "So you know Roger and Nico didn't do it?" Maki asked. "Of course, not, my little honey bunny would never hurt a fly and that Nico friend of yours seems safe enough to be a good girl through and through." Jessica remarked. "Now, keep quiet, I don't want you to get hurt." The girls went in the dark alley and saw Eddie snooping around with his own gun.

"Valiant." Jessica raised her gun as Eddie's shadow caricature was creeping behind him. Eddie turned and put his hands up. "I always knew I'd get into Toontown." "Behind you!" Jessica yelled and shot her gun to shoot the shadow down right behind Eddie. The shadow dropped his gun and fell backward over a trash can. "Drop it, lady and let the girl go." Eddie put his gun to Jessica as she came with Maki. "I just saved your life and you still don't trust me?" Jessica mocked. "She's okay, Eddie. We talked." Maki added. "Look, I don't trust anybody or anything." Eddie retorted. "Not even your own eyes?" Jessica asked, pointing down to the gun the shadow dropped. "That's the gun that killed RK Maroon." "Maroon's dead?" Maki's eyes widened. "I was interrogatin' him and he got shot." Eddie explained to her. "I saw you, Nico, and Roger were gone. I was worried about you guys!" "Doom pulled the trigger." Jessica continued to explain. "Doom?" Eddie wondered. "I followed him to the studio, but I was too late to stop him." Jessica explained more. "That's right!" Doom's voice called as he ran down the alley ways swiftly. "You'll never stop me! You're dead! You're all dead!" "DOOM!" Eddie roared, shooting his gun. The bullets chased after Doom as he got away. The bullets all then looked at each other. Maki was shocked at first, then considered they may have been Toon bullets. "Which way he'd go?" one of the bullets asked. "Well I dunno!" the other one shrugged. "He went that away!" "Let's go!" the final bullet said, zipping with them the wrong way. "Dum Dums." Eddie mumbled. "Come on!" Jessica pulled Eddie and Maki's hands to her car. "Yeah." Eddie agreed, dropping his gun.

Jessica went to her car and saw the trunk open. "Oh, no, where's Roger and Nico?" "Roger and Nico?" Eddie raised an eyebrow. "They chickened out on me back at the studio, I thought Maki did too." "No, they didn't" Jessica corrected him. "I hit them on the head with a frying pan. I was going to do it to Maki too, but we decided to talk. Then we put them in the trunk so they wouldn't get hurt." "Makes perfect sense." Eddie rolled his eyes. "We're obviously not going to get far in my car, let's take yours." Jessica offered. A couple of tires screeched and there was a crash. Eddie looked to see someone hijacked his car and crashed it into a fire hydrant. "I got a feeling somebody already did." "From the looks of it, I'd say it was Roger" Jessica looked. "My honey bunny was never good behind the wheel." "A better lover than a driver, huh?" Maki joked. "You'd better believe it, sweetie." Jessica poked her in the chest. The infamous Toon Patrol van rolled up with sirens. "It's the weasels, this way, we'll take Gingerbread Lane!" Jessica tried to pull the humans. "No, wait, no, no!" Eddie pulled her back. "Gingerbread Lane's that way!" He extended his thumb, which signaled Benny. "So, Valiant, you call a cab or what?" Benny asked as they sat inside of him. Then he eyed Jessica. "Hubba, Hubba, Hubba. Allow me, mademoiselle." Then he zipped off to let them get away. "So, how long have you known it was Doom?" Eddie asked, getting details from the framed rabbit's wife. "Before poor Marvin Acme was killed, he confided in me that Doom wanted to get his hands on Toon Town, and he wouldn't stop at anything." Jessica answered. "So, he gave you the will for safekeeping?" "That's what he told me, except when I opened the envelope, there was only a blank piece of paper inside." "Eh, a joker to the end." "So, where to, anyway?" Benny asked, still driving, but unsure of where to stop. "My meter's runnin'!" "I have to find my darling husband" Jessica sighed. "I'm so worried about him." "Seriously, what do you see in that guy?" Eddie asked. "He makes me laugh." Jessica said in a serious tone of voice.

Eddie made Benny steer clear out of the tunnel and back into the real world. Maki saw Doom and squealed, but Doom kicked over his tank of Dip to stop the Toon car dead in his tracks. Benny hissed in pain as the Dip caught onto his wheels and made them spiral out of control, hit a lamp post and throw them out of the car and landed in the ground, but not getting hurt. "Benny, are you okay?" Maki walked over to him. Benny's eyes lolled back into his face and he closed his eyes. "I've been dipped..." he moaned. Doom came and stood over the trio. "What an unfortunate accident" he tutted. "Nothing more treacherous than a slippery road especially when driving a maniacal Toon vehicle." "Don't you ever blink?" Maki grumbled at him, trying to hide her fear. The Toon Patrol van pulled over. "Good work, boss" Smarty hopped out with the other weasels. "Don't just stand there, help them!" Doom told his lackeys. "Put them in my car. I think they'll enjoy attending the ribbon cutting at the Acme Factory." "Come on, ya mugs." Smarty told the others as they collected Eddie, Jessica, and Maki. Then he looked at Maki. "Mm, mm, mm, and youse didn't wanna date the wise weasel in charge." "I'll date you now..." Maki offered, hoping it would set her free. "TOO LATE!" Smarty hissed in her face. "You're under arrest!" Maki sighed and went with them. Benny looked at them be taken away. He wanted to help them, but what could he do?


	7. Chapter 7

The group was being held hostage by Doom in the old Acme Factory. They all had their hands up as they were being searched. The only one left to check was Jessica as the weasels frisked them. "We searched Valiant and Nishikino, boss. The will ain't on 'em." Smarty clarified. "Then frisk the woman!" Doom demanded, pointing to Jessica. "I'll handle this one" Greasy offered, going toward Jessica with a suave look on his face. He shoved his hand into Jessica's breast cups and yelled in pain as there was a bear trap in there, clawed on his hands. "Nice booby trap" Eddie remarked. "Nice pun" Maki added. The weasels laughed at Greasy's misfortune and pain as he tried to get it off. Doom sneered at him and hit him with his cane against a bunch of old boxes and a bunch of eye balls rolled out. Doom turned sharply to his minions, making them shut up. "Do they have the will or not?" "Nah, just a stupid love letter." Smarty answered as Psycho confiscated the paper from Eddie's jacket. "No matter" Doom said. "I doubt that will is going to show up in the next 15 minutes anyway." Maki swiped the letter from Psycho and handed to Eddie for safe keeping. "What happens in the next 15 minutes?" Eddie asked. "Toontown will be legally mine, lock, stock, and barrel." Doom explained. The group grew worried and nervous about those possibilities.

Meanwhile, out of town, Benny was still hurt. Nico was a little car sick with Roger behind the wheel, but the rabbit stopped once he saw one of his best friends in trouble. "Benny, is that you?" Roger asked. "No, it's Shirley Temple!" Benny answered, then walked on his tires, hissing in pain. "Jumpin' Jeepers! What happened?" "Doom grabbed your wife, Maki, and Valiant, and took 'em to the Acme Factory." "Oh, great." Nico groaned as Benny came to the car. "The Acme Factory?" Roger asked, then his eyes lit up. "I know where that is. Get in!" "Move over, Rog" Benny shoved him aside to take the wheel. "You've done enough drivin' for one night."  
"I can't believe we're riding in a car driven by a car... Now I've seen everything." Nico rolled her eyes. Benny took the wheel and drove to the factory to save everyone before it would be too late.

Back at the factory, two of the weasels, Stupid and Wheezy were breaking down the brick wall where Toon Town was hidden. "Toontown's right on the other side of the wall, boss!" Stupid called out. "You see, Mr. Valiant and little girl? The successful conclusion of this case draws the curtains on my career as a jurist in Toon Town" Doom gloated as he walked in the center of the room. "I'm retiring to take a new role in the private sector." "That wouldn't be Cloverleaf industries, by any chance, huh?" Eddie interrogated. "Uh-huh." Smarty nodded. Doom spun on his heels. "You're looking at the sole stockholder." Benny came close to the factory and pulled in on the side. "Benny, Nico, you go for the cops," Roger said, shakily holding a gun in his hands with Nico on his side. "I'm gonna save my wife." "Be careful with that gun!" Benny flinched, lightly pushing him. "This ain't no cartoon, you know." "Nico, go with Benny. It could be too dangerous for ya!" Roger advised the human girl. "No, I have to help you. My friend is in there and I don't want her to get hurt. She means so much to me." Nico said, cautiously. "Well, okay, but stay close to me." Roger said. Then he turned to the animated cab. "Benny, you go for the cops, we'll save Jessica and Maki." Then Roger left with Nico in the factory. "This is no way to make a livin'." Benny shook his head, driving off.

The duo went to a window. They tried to open it, but had no avail. "Wouldn't you know? Locked." Roger sighed, leaning his hand on the window. Then he fell right in as the window spun and he landed in the toilet, only to be flushed right down. Nico looked agape. She went to find another way in because there was no way she was going down there. Doom took out a silver plate and threw it down on the factory floor before his victims. He turned a valve which had steaming green liquid pour on it. "Can you guess what this is?" Jessica looked at it and recognized it all too well. "Oh, my God, it's DIIIIIIIP!" Maki's eyes bugged out and she glanced at Jessica. "Inside voice, PLEASE!" "That's right, my dear" Doom told the frightened damsel-in-distress. "Enough to dip to Toontown off the face of the Earth!" He pulled a curtain to show a giant machine to force Dip to every cartoon character known to man with it. "Vehicle of my own design. 5,000 gallons of heated dip, pumped at enormous velocity through a pressurized water cannon. Toontown will be erased in a matter of minutes." The weasels went right to work to power the machine to send it directly into Toontown and bust down the walls, killing every Toon.

"I suppose you think no one's going to notice that Toontown's disappeared?" Maki asked. "Who's got time to wonder what happened to some ridiculous talking mice when you're driving by 75 miles an hour?" Doom asked her, looking completely careless. "What are you talking about?" Jessica asked. "There's no road past Toontown." "Not yet" Doom smirked, coming forward. "Several months ago, I head the good providence to stumble upon this plan of the city councils. A construction plan of epic proportions. They are calling it 'a freeway'." "Freeway?" Eddie scoffed. "What the hell's a freeway?" "Eight lanes of shimmering cement running from here to Pasadena" Doom explained, coming toward them instantly. "Smooth, safe, fast. Traffic jams will be a thing of the past." "So that's why you killed Acme and Maroon?" Eddie continued. "For a freeway?" Maki added. "I don't understand" "Of course not, you both lack vision" Doom snorted. "I see a place where people get on and off the freeway. On and off, off and on, all day, all night!" Maki, Eddie, and Jessica glanced at each other, then back at Doom. "Soon, where Toontown once stood, will be a string of gas stations!" Doom continued his evil plans. "Inexpensive motels, restaurants that serve rapidly prepared food, tire salons, automobile dealerships, and wonderful, wonderful billboards reaching far as the eye can see! My God, it'll be beautiful." Doom looked very engrossed with his plan. Maki had to admit, the restaurant idea and no more traffic jams sounded great, but no way she was going to let Judge Doom get away with this. "Come on!" Eddie spoke up, pulling the evil man from his fantasies. "Nobody's gonna drive this lousy freeway when they can take the red car for a nickel." "Oh, they'll drive, they'll have to" Doom said back. "You see, I bought the red car, so I could dismantle it."

Suddenly there was rumbling heard, making everyone stop focusing on Doom's monologue and wonder what the sound was. Everyone looked around to see what the source of the sound could be, until Greasy flew up in the air and the hole under him opened up and spewed out toilet water. Greasy and Roger screamed as they sky-rocketed, Greasy grabbed onto the net filed with bricks and Roger landed safely on his own two feet as Nico walked over and dodged the toilet water rain. "Nico, how'd you get in here?" Roger asked. "The back door was open" Nico shrugged. "Roger, darling!" Jessica cooed. "Yes, it's me, my dearest!" Roger pranced to her, happily, taking her hand and scaring the weasels with his gun. "I'd love to embrace you, but first I have to satisfy my sense of mortal outrage." "You okay, Maki?" Nico asked. "Yeah, I'm not in that much danger." Maki assured. "Put the gun down, you buck-toothed fool!" Doom sneered at the Toon rabbit. "That's it, Doom!" Roger snapped. "Gimme another excuse to pump ya full of lead! You thought you could get away with it, didn't ya? Ha! We Toons may act idiotic, but we're not stupid. We demand justice. Why, the real meaning of the word'd probably hit you like a ton of bricks!"

Suddenly, Roger was struck down by a ton of bricks, making the weasels laugh. Maki, Nico, Eddie, and Jessica rushed to him, feeling worried for him. "Roger!" Jessica went to console her husband as he popped his head out with circling stars. "Roger, say something." "Look!" Roger looked around him, happily. "Stars! Ready when you are, Raoul." Eddie half-smiled at Roger. "Tie the lovebirds together." Doom demanded. The weasels did as he said as the climax was coming in. Doom grabbed his control to his Dip machine and looked as the weasels had Roger and Jessica tied up. "Put them up on that hook! Use that escape proof Toon rope." "Time to kill the rabbit." Psycho sang as he crawled up to the Dip nozzle to threaten Roger and Jessica's lives. Jessica and Roger were raised up as the humans wondered what they could do to help. "What're we gonna do, Eddie?" Nico asked. "We need a plan!" Maki added. Eddie looked all around, trying to come up with a plan to save Roger and Jessica, stop the weasels, and put an end to Judge Doom for good. Nothing was coming to him now.

Doom approached them, knowing they had no plans to save anyone's lives. "It's over, Mr. Valiant, and kids." Then he walked off and suddenly tripped over the spilled eye balls and landed flat on his back. Maki and Nico lightly snickered while the weasels laughed out loud. Eddie thought that would be good to strike down the weasels while they were distracted. "Look out, you fools!" Doom called him out, making them focus on their enemies. "Not so fast." Smarty put his gun to Eddie. "One of these days, you idiots are gonna laugh yourselves to death!" Doom hissed at them for their laughter. Suddenly, inspiration struck Eddie. He looked all around himself and the girls, trying to make sure this would work for sure. "Shall I 'repose' of 'em right now, boss?" Smarty asked, holding his pistol to them. "Let them watch their Toon friends get dipped then shoot them." Doom darkly chuckled. Then he walked off. "With pleasure." Smarty grinned, still laughing a bit. Maki and Nico felt all hope was lost and they had failed their mission.

"Everything's funny to you, ain't it, needle-nose?" Eddie taunted Smarty. "You got a problem with that, Valiant?" Smarty glared at him, poking him in the chest with his pistol. "No" Eddie smiled innocently as he backed up into the large music machine. "I just, uh, want you to know somethin' about the guy you're gonna dip." he then started the song Roger sang in the back; "Merry-Go-Round Broke Down". Smarty backed up and chuckled nervously. "What's he doing?" Nico asked. "I dunno, but let's watch." Maki said, sitting with her legs crossed. Nico shrugged and sat beside her.

Eddie: This singin' ain't my line  
It's tough to make a rhyme  
If I get stuck, I'm outta luck, and... and...

"I'm running out of time!" Jessica suggested.

"Thanks." Eddie smiled at her. He juggled the balls and let them fall on his head, painfully. Maki and Nico winced slightly as the weasels laughed at their entertainment. They were laughing a lot harder than before. Eddie then slipped on a conveniently placed banana peel and fell backward against giant boxes. Eddie came out on a pogo stick and made it plummet him upward into a light, electrocuting him and spaz out like a cartoon character would in the situation. Stupid was the first weasel to go. He had fell on his back laughing and had a lilly in his hand as his ghost came out of his body and went to Cartoon Heaven with solemn organ music in the background. Wheezy was also going, he laughed, but he noticed his ghost leaving his body and tried to grab it back before he could die, but it was too late for him. The ladder he fell off of started a 50 ton weight to make a machine go on a conveyor belt with a vase moving on it. "Hey Eddie, keep it up! You're killin' 'em! You're slayin' 'em! You're knockin' 'em dead!" Roger cheered.

Eddie: I'm through with takin' falls  
And bouncin' off the walls  
Without that gun I'd have some fun  
I'd kick you in the-

Suddenly the vase fell and smashed on his head. "Nose!" Roger called out. "Nose? That don't rhyme with 'walls'!" Smarty sneered. "No, but this does!" Maki said, swiftly kicking him down South, making the weasel land in a giant mixer filled with Dip, killing him instantly. The weasels kept laughing and laughing. Greasy had his last laugh, nearly gagging on his and falling out of the machine. The machine was still going though, but very, very slowly. Now it was Psycho's turn. He kept laughing wild, but laughed too hard which made him hit the switch to the nozzle and made the Dip spray close toward Jessica and Roger. Psycho still laughed, but accidentally pulled the lever back as he was laughing hysterically and fell into the machine's wheels which made his ghost appear.

Psycho's ghost was smart though. He pulled the lever back to spray Roger and Jessica before he went up beyond the sky and laughed as Jessica and Roger were going to join them soon in the underworld. "Guys, hurry, it's comin' back!" Roger called as the Dip came close toward him and Jessica. Nico decided to help Eddie and they went for the machine to stop it. The guys crawled closer and closer to the machine's controls to switch it off. She managed to make it go back away from them and they turned to see Doom was lunging right toward them! He had knocked both guys down against boxes. Doom was swift and strong for a scrawny old guy. "Hey, that's not cool!" Maki ran toward him in a huff. Doom grabbed her and threw her right over his shoulder, landing in a crate. He took out his cane, revealing a sword to go against Eddie in the final battle. Eddie looked around him and took out a sword which sang Frank Sinatra. Eddie and Doom eyed it both strangely, unsure what to do of it. Eddie threw the sword aside and took out a giant magnet to attract Doom and give up his weapon. The electric sparks from the magnet tried to grasp the sword, but had a tough time. Maki and Nico jumped in to help, but Doom made the magnet hook on them backward and send them against a metal tank, hitting their backs and making them all squeal in slight pain. "Don't move" Doom told them.

The machine was coming to kill Roger and Jessica as a machine was coming to run over Eddie, Maki, and Nico and flatten them like pancakes. Doom was driving the new machine to run them down while the Dip machine came for the Toon couple. Eddie, Maki, and Nico tried to break free, but it seemed nearly impossible. Maki glanced at the portable black holes, then dug into her pocket remembering she had taken one as a souvenir. She dug into her pocket, used the hole over the magnet which cut it, and allowed them to escape. Doom saw they were nowhere to be seen but looked back up to see them towering over him, much to his shock. Eddie kicked him clear in the face while Maki and Nico stepped aside to let Eddie now take on the final battle with Judge Doom. Eddie tried to punch him, but Doom was too swift and quick for him. Eddie and Doom were at each other. Doom took out a tub of glue as Eddie tried to hit him with it, but the two were spinning now. Doom shoved Eddie against the flattening wheels, but Doom struck his fist to punch Eddie's lights out, but Eddie thought quickly and placed the tub over his face, making Doom punch the glue wide open and sticking to his hands.

Doom tried to punch Eddie again, but he got away quickly, making Doom now punch the wheels, trapping him and now to get run over. Doom even stepped onto the glue and now, coincidentally, Doom was doomed. He even stuck his foot against the wheel while Eddie went to turn off the machine and Maki and Nico were taken by all the action. Eddie had stopped the car keys and all was settled. Though, Doom was screaming for his dear life as he was flattened and dead. "Whoa..." Maki and Nico couldn't believe what they just saw. "Mission accomplished." Nico remarked. "Guys, look!" Roger pointed with his ear to turn their attention back to Doom. The girls were scared to look, but they did anyway and you would not believe what they saw.


	8. Chapter 8

Doom was not flat dead. He was actually still moving. He had stretchy limbs and stood up, completely unharmed. No human could have possibly survived that. Unless... Doom wasn't a human! He stood himself up, a little wobbly, but he was alive and well! "Holy smoke, he's a Toon!" Eddie gasped. "Surprised?" Doom grinned at his enemies. "Not really" Eddie retorted. "That lame brain freeway idea could only be cooked up by a Toon." "Not just any Toon!" Doom said in a frightening, sing-song voice. He went to a helium tank and began to inhale it to make himself no longer flat. He popped back to normal and his hat popped off. His eye balls fell out of his head to reveal burning red eyes and a crazed grin on his face. Eddie and the girls looked scared. They memorized that the Toon that killed Eddie's brother was exactly like that. "Remember me, Eddie?" Doom asked with his voice getting high and squeaky. "When I killed your brother, I TALKED JUST... LIKE... THIIIIS!" Eddie, Maki, and Nico froze with fear. Doom's eyes turned into knives to kill them like he did to Teddy Valiant. The trio ran for their lives. Doom chased after them with springs on his feet and grabbed Eddie. Nico tripped with Maki and they backed up, nervous and scared. Doom threw Eddie down with them painfully and turned the machine back on to finally get rid of Roger and Jessica. The human group stood up and Doom removed his glued glove to show a golden anvil on it and smashed them clear on the face, pushing them back and slide on the floor in pain. Doom turned his hand into a buzz-saw and went to slice them all up. Doom showed how powerful his saw was and cut a metal chain to scare them straight and come toward them with that wicked grin.

Maki and Nico shivered with fear and Eddie glanced to see a Toon mallet, grabbed the kids and rolled over to the mallet as Doom struck the saw to the floor, missing them. Doom kept trying to strike them, but he kept missing. Eddie used the mallet to use the boxing glove, which Doom ducked under and it turned a valve to spray and squirt him with Dip. Talk about karma. Doom screamed as he was being killed and melted and was now finally dead. The dip was close to getting rid of Jessica and Roger, but it had ran out before hitting them and they settled themselves down. "Oh, I think I'm gonna faint..." Jessica wheezed, looking pale as her husband's fur. "Guys, do something!" Roger cried as the machine was finally making its way to the wall to break it down. The humans dashed over. Eddie found the controller, but tried to stop the machine before it would hit the wall, but it was too late. The machine was going and going, but a Toontown train speed over and ran it over to never be dealt with ever again. Toontown was still happy and cheery as it always was. Maki and Nico smiled at it, seeing all those Toons in harmony and happiness.

"Guys, there's dip everywhere. How are we gonna get down?" Roger asked, still hovering with Jessica. Eddie went to the fire hydrant valve and spun it hard as water gushed over to wash away the poison Dip. More fire hydrants sprayed the water and all the dip went down the drain, allowing the Toons to safely walk about. Eddie lowered Jessica and Roger and untied them. The girls went over happily too. "Jeepers, guys! That was a close shave!" Roger said. "I thought for sure our goose was cooked." Jessica was relieved to be put down. She glanced at Eddie and Roger. "My hero!" Eddie smiled sheepishly at her, but his smile disappeared as Jessica went to her husband. "Oh, honey bunny!" Jessica coddled Roger. "Oh, love cup!" Roger sighed as his face was covered in kisses. Benny rode in with the police officers. "Sister Mary Francis!" Benny exclaimed, seeing Doom's remains. "What the hell happened here? I've been a cab for 37 years, and I've never seen a mess like this." "What is that, a rubber mask?" Dolores asked, coming to see the mess with an investigator. "Yeah, and this is the rope from the safe that was dropped on Acme. I think your lab boys will find that paint's a perfect match." Eddie clarified, tossing the rope. "Judge Doom killed Marvin Acme and RK Maroon." the inspector couldn't believe it as he caught the rope. "And my brother." Eddie added. The inspector and Dolores glanced at Eddie. Dolores took Eddie's hand, squeezing it gently.

Then everyone turned to see the several Toons flooding out from the wall and caused a serious commotion. "See? Bugs Bunny and Mickey Mouse." Maki pointed to the mouse and bunny as they came at the same time. "I wouldn't trust them if you need a spare parachute." Eddie inside joked to her. "Gosh, uh, I wonder who he really was." Mickey observed with the others. "I'll tell you one thing, Doc, he weren't no rabbit." Bugs said. "Or a duck!" Daffy said. "Or a dog." Goofy said. "Or a little wooden boy." Pinocchio said. "Or a sheep!" the big bad wolf in his sheep disguise said. "Or a woodpecker!" Woody laughed. "Or a pussy!" Sylvester sputtered. "What's that?" Dolores looked at Eddie's jacket. There was ink from the Ink and Paint Club night. "It's ink" Eddie said, noticing the stain. "That goof Acme squirted me with some the other night. Why it's comin' now out, I dunno." Roger scattered through a box and came to Eddie with a bottle. "Here's your answer, Eddie. Acme's Disappearing/Reappearing Ink. Boy, that Acme, what a genius!" "Applesauce!" Baby Herman scoffed, coming toward them. "If he was such a genius, why didn't he leave his will where we could find it?"

Eddie dug into his pocket, taking out the love letter. He wondered if Acme wrote it in his infamous ink and opened up the letter written in Jessica's lipstick. "Roger, that love letter you wrote to your wife in the Ink and Paint club? Why don't you read it to her now?" he handed the letter to the rabbit. "Sure, Eddie." Roger happily took it. Herman rolled his eyes and shoved his cigar in his mouth. "'Dear Jessica, how do I love thee? Let me count the ways'" Roger began to read, then stumbled into other words written within his letter. "'I, Marvin Acme, of sound mind and body'- IT'S THE WILL!" Everyone looked excited now. "Keep reading." Jessica urged her husband. "'Do hereby bequeath in perpetuity the property known as Toontown to those lovable characters, the Toons and whoever they wish to make the future cartoonist in their lives as my foster son/daughter'!" Roger finished reading, as everyone cheered. "Hey, Eddie!" Roger pulled the professional detective. "That was a pretty funny dance you did for those weasels. Do you think your days of bein' a sourpuss are over?" "Only time will tell." Eddie shrugged. "Yeah, well, put it there, pal." Roger held out his hand. "Yeah." Eddie smiled and shook his hand, only to get jolted again by the hand buzzer. Eddie had a very furious look on his face and disposed his hand, glaring at Roger which worried everyone. Even Baby Herman looked startled. Roger gulped. "Don't tell me you lost your sense of humor already..." Eddie gripped Roger and held him up to his face. "Does this answer your question?" Then he forced a kiss onto Roger. The rabbit had a goofy, disgusted face and wiped his lips. Everyone laughed and cheered for that reaction. "Come on, Roger, let's go home," Jessica held Roger in her arms. "I'll bake you a carrot cake." Roger cooed as he was placed down. "Wait!" Maki called before everyone could leave. Everyone's eyes were on her and Nico. "If we're gonna celebrate this, Nico and I would like to perform for you all" said Maki. "But you're not Toons" Roger pointed out. "Who said anything about having to be Toons?" Nico asked. She and Maki smirked at each other as they took everyone to the nearest stage in Toontown. The girls got dressed up and they performed their duet song 'Zurui yo Magnetic today'. When it was over, everyone cheered. "Th-Th-That's all folks!" Porky Pig ended the show. Then Tinkerbell from Disney's Peter Pan flew up and ended the story in a pixie blast of light.


End file.
